We were stopped in our tracks at last week's meeting on Renewal as various resentments boiled to the surface; so we decided to explore how to heal some of these.

A couple of members looked at the derivation of the word "resentment". In the Latin languages, "sent" refers to feeling; the Indo-European root SENT means to head for, to go. Thus, resentment is re-feeling something or going back to it. A member pointed out it's a compulsive thing, a repetitive revisiting of sour memories or bad feelings that needs handling like any other compulsion. He finds himself able to get beyond resentment by exchanging the smaller, more cramped view of things it requires for its life into a fuller appreciation of Being.

We discussed anger and its relation to resentment. Most felt anger as a fresh phenomenon is not a problem per se — it points to a difficulty which needs attention and healing, whether through discussion with other parties or direct access to the divine. It seems that when anger cannot be processed and handled, it gets repressed and stuck — but that's not the end of it. It continues to fester, perhaps on an unconscious level, erupting in bizarre and harmful ways. It can become a full blown resentment.

We all saw the futility of mortals trying to forgive other mortals or to cover over and get rid of resentment. We do have wonderful psychological tools today that help us pre-process these raw feelings but the actual healing has to be based on a radical reliance on the divinity of humanity that blows the sides out of the whole thing. When that happens and we've accessed the divine-human coincidence, can we be unhappy that we had the anger/resentment in the first place?

In this regard, one member thought of resentment as prayer — a ritualized mortal undertaking pointing to the divine. He discovered he could use the Alcoholics Anonymous method of spotting resentments and their so-called "causes" (see pp. 64-65 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous) — thus pre-processing the material before taking a quantum leap into the divine.

For instance, he bore a resentment towards Reggie White of the Green Bay Packers, was glad they lost their game with San Francisco, and relished the thought of this homophobic man now retired without commercial endorsements. Using the AA methodology, he understood his resentment as based not only on Mr. White's affront to Gay People's self esteem but as having potentially deadly results to our community. Now bringing Christian Science to bear, he was able to take that leap to the Facts of Being — that God is the only reality of Reggie White and of us all. Our well being and safety are established in and of God. (Just remember Saul/Paul on the road to Damascus!) Our member used the same approach on a failed love affair that has troubled him and hobbled his demonstration for some twelve years. A couple of articles from Mrs. Eddy's Miscellaneous Writings were helpful —"Love Your Enemies" and "Taking Offense".

Another member recalled an earlier healing of resentment over a business situation. Her partner had suddenly retired, refused to help her in any way and even withheld inventory. She was paralyzed by fear and resentment. Eventually she found ways to conduct the business on her own and new sources of stock. As the business flourished, she found the resentment just faded out. She had a similar healing this week, this time in the social arena. A friend forgot about a date they had and she sadly went on to "Plan B". Later, as she vented to another friend about the situation she realized she had had quite a good time at the second activity — indeed probably a better time than she would have had with the original plan. In both cases this quote from St. Paul comes to mind, "For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life." (II Corinthians 5:4)

A member mentioned that he was still haunted by resentment over a messy employment termination. He knew he could not hang on to it and expect to move on with his career. Other members encouraged him to take a radical stand and see his employment as settled in Heaven, the firing manager as not that at all but entirely divine, etc. He was also able to own his envy over the good fortune of some friends, but upon questioning, found he would rather have his life than theirs and went on to recount the story of Elijah and the widow woman with the bountiful pot of oil (see I Kings 1:7).

We agreed that pride is a big factor in hanging on to resentment, particularly if others know how we've been wronged and would think us wimps if we don't stand up for our rights and so on. Such considerations need de-fanging along with the original problem and the solution is in Christian Science. Our rights are assured by God, not resentment or human cheer-leading.

After all this good stuff at the meeting, it was perhaps predictable that there would be a blow up of resentful feelings later at the restaurant . We had chosen Renewal II - Practice as our subject for next week — so after some discomfort, and considerable insight, we took the dinner uproar as a rough embarkation on our new adventure. One member who has fancied himself quite a nice person suddenly had his mask ripped off, and while embarrassed, feels it was progress to get over that!

Some of us were on the phone Friday exploring what happened and making amends. Very rewarding indeed — we'll undoubtedly have more on this next week.  "If you launch your bark upon the ever-agitated but healthful waters of truth, you will encounter storms. Your good will be evil spoken of. This is the cross. Take it up and bear it, for through it you win and wear the crown. Pilgrim on earth, thy home is heaven; stranger, thou art the guest of God." (Science and Health, pg. 254:27-32)