As our readings show, Christian Science does not have to take a back seat to so-called self help systems when it comes to human relations, even that most intense version thereof, dating. Most of those attending had horror stories to report on the subject. The tendency, after these attempts at "relating" didn't work out, was to withdraw from the field entirely or, in one case, to nurse a kind of psychologized sour grapes gratitude that his forays had yielded a recapitulation of childhood traumas.

Finally, after listening patiently to all this, one member — our most ardent, indeed only, current dater — offered a couple of practical pointers

1) There are many kinds of dating: romantic, social, light fun, heavy intellectual, sexual etc.

2) Be sure what your needs and wants are at any given time — then go for a person who will satisfy those.

For him the process is now quite automatic and he, of course, accesses his understanding of Christian Science as he moves forward. But it is not a mystical sense of Science — it's more like an electrician would use electricity, with a quiet assurance of the allness of good, without a lot of prayers and incantations. Often he is surprised by serendipitous developments.

Whew! These simple observations opened a Pandora's box of crazy thinking in some of us — how by being unclear about our feelings in situations we could outline a magic, all-wonderful person to take care of all our needs/wants, project this unto people unwilling or unable to cater to these and meanwhile miss real opportunities to relate to others. One member said he had often done this and found himself drifting in a "hope- filled state of destitution!" Another felt the vibrancy of the image itself pointed to the all beneficent and powerful God who fills all needs — "..take that projection off people and live it's underlying Reality out from God."

Loneliness came up. It can drive us to participate in inappropriate relationships. One member said in his loneliness he often allowed himself to be hi-jacked by those he really didn't want to be with, just to fend off the lonely feelings. Lately he has experimented with being alone more and is beginning to appreciate the Science of being All One. A deepening sense of relationship with and as the divine is opening up.

Another member read Science and Health, pg. 266:6-19, which includes this arresting question, "Would existence without personal friends be to you a blank?" (See also Miscellaneous Writings 308:32-3). Most of us were aware of this line of inquiry in the Textbook and had shied away from it for fear of malpractising the relationships we had or wanted. But this time we understood that the term "personal" is a technical term of the trade in our Science. It means "dualistic, matter based, good/bad amalgam". Who in their right mind would want such a "friend"? The only Person in Science is God, infinitely reflected as ourselves and all others. Any date grounded in this truth would be a fine one indeed.

The member who has borne the trauma of childhood recreations in his dating history heard the story of Peter and John healing the cripple at the gate called Beautiful read at a Wednesday meeting (see Acts 3:1-8). He was enlivened by a new insight into this — why not reply to his own and others' crippling backgrounds along these lines: "A lot of human belief and calculation have I none, but such as I have give I unto us. By the reality that God is the very being of man let's be out of this belief completely."

A few other issues came up:

• Should a Christian Scientist date only Christian Scientists? One member felt problems usually came up if both partners are religious — whether both are in Science or one is in a different religion. If one partner is not overly involved in religion it works out better. Another member said he would welcome someone from a different religion as long as the other could listen to and hear what he's saying. He would welcome the opportunity to see how his valued other sees things.
• One member had a series of dreams during the week with very interesting female characters in them. He felt these need amplification to see what traits and perhaps even impediments to relating they represent. More next week on this if the inquiry bears fruit.
• Another member brought a book he's reading about the overwhelming occurrence of homosexual desire, activity and bonding in the animal kingdom. Apparently many same sex couples raise offspring together. It's a new book entitled "Biological Exuberance", by Bruce Bagemihl, Ph.D. (not Alan Greenspan).

We'll continue with Dating next week and place emphasis on practicing the truths uncovered.