At the end of last week's meeting members were feeling gratitude and humility over some recent healings and wanted a topic that would encourage us to explore the underlying Science involved.

As the readings show, self-immolation is a term used several times by Mary Baker Eddy in her writings. It has a 19th century ring to it and some of us thought immediately of Brunnhilde's great scene at the end of Gotterdammerung, when she and her horse leap into Siegfried's funeral pyre.

Our motives were less dramatic but no less serious: to prayerfully release at least some of the personal sense that landed us with the difficulties needing healing in the first place.

We had a brief discussion of terms. The two words "self" and "ego" can mean either God or personal sense depending on their use and capitalization. Jung uses Self for God, while ego is the relative or personal sense of God, also known as man. Mrs. Eddy uses Ego for God and self for personal sense. Whatever the term, our thrust was and is to make sure our human sense of things is in alignment with God.

We doubted whether personal sense would have the wisdom or means to self-immolate. As Science and Health puts it: "If mortal mind knew how to be better, it would be better" (p. 186:29-30). What then drives this unfoldment?

There are clues in the derivation of the word immolate. It has only an indirect relationship to fire. The root "mela" refers to crushing or grinding, as of meal. Words like molar, mill, and maelstrom come from this root. Yes, flour and salt were sprinkled over the bodies of sacrificial victims before they were tossed into the fire. But why flour and salt? No one knew for sure, but one member speculated these represented destruction and renewal. Such an interpretation would fit other hints about immolation revealed in our readings, where Jesus is put in the context of other corn gods like Demeter and Osiris when he talks of dropping into the ground and decaying etc. (see John 12: 24). One member noted that the Gospel of John does not record a bread and wine distribution at the Last Supper, but instead Jesus washing the disciples' feet, certainly an apt symbol of self-immolation (as are, of course, bread and wine, made by crushing natural produce).

We next looked at Jesus' crucifixion. One member saw his preparation for the event as consisting of the Transfiguration, the raising of Lazarus (thus testing his ability to raise the dead) and letting go of the last vestiges of personal sense at Gethsemane (see Mark 14: 32-41).

A new member, who is a devotee of Transcendental Meditation, told of an exchange a student had with his Teacher, Maharishi. The student asked, "Was Jesus really crucified," to which Maharishi responded, "Not possible!" Of course, this is exactly what Jesus himself needed to see in order to be resurrected. To put it more clearly perhaps, he needed to live the Christ, not just the Jesus.

This appeared to us to be the ultimate in self-immolation — letting go of all personal sense with its dualities in favor of the divine idea, which will then govern and control the relative experience.

Before going on to the healings, we acknowledged that we had been moved to new perspectives by the Christian Science brought into play. In fact, we had all been in a rut in our lives before the problems appeared and we wondered whether these angels entertained unawares were not actually our divinity coming to the surface to be acknowledged rather than merely problems to be cleared off.

Here are the healings:

1) Six weeks ago a member had an alarming symptom. He contacted an unlisted practitioner for treatment. They decided it would be okay to have a medical diagnosis to see what they needed to handle. Working with the practitioner and with prayerful support from his family and members of our group, he had a cat scan. One member said beforehand, "Remember, God is just seeing God as you deal with the doctor and have the x-rays." The initial reports were grim; cancer and other problems were strongly suggested. A biopsy was quickly arranged.

He and the practitioner continued working. Our member suddenly uncovered an antipathy for women and felt he could not work with a female practitioner. This was handled in Science and he gained access to much love not only for her but for the whole medical team he was now involved with. At the biopsy not only were several bits of flesh taken but much internal exploration was accomplished. The on-the- spot examination showed everything to be OK. A week later, the lab results were also "negative", meaning OK.

Throughout this experience our member worked to embody true substance and to express love. He is still digging deep into consciousness to question his fundamental assumptions in Science and correct them as necessary.

2) The member who reported on his Association last week had a major healing in his travel to and from the city where the meeting was held. Sure it's a holy idea and the Teacher is always assumed to be doing protective work for the travel of the students; he too had done some work before leaving the house.

Thus his irritation that things moved so slowly even on the bus to the airport — it took an hour just to get to the entrance to the tunnel to New Jersey. He now decided to work in earnest. He saw himself and all others as infinite ideas, occupying all space (this is good quantum physics as well as good Christian Science). A so called trip is merely a shift in thought or an appearance within this infinity to accomplish a task, which is no more than symbolic of the grander scheme of things. As for being at the Association, again it's symbolic of the fact that everyone, everywhere is already fully informed.

The trip slowly picked up steam, but there was another test at the hotel, which had no rooms ready when he arrived. He was quite acid but fortunately got out to the street quickly and did some more work with the ideas of infinity and the divinity of all concerned. He reminded himself that he is the world he walks through and all this is coming to him for a healing. When he got back to the hotel a room with a spectacular view was ready for him. The rest of the trip went wonderfully, including an on-time take off from O'Hare airport two days later!

This whole episode has emboldened him to arrange for further travel this summer and to work more with the infinite vision provided by Christian Science.

3) Another member has for years hesitated to depend on Christian Science for his dog, who has instead had veterinarian help. Our member has of course supported such treatments with his own prayerful work. Recently the dog had to enter the hospital with what was diagnosed as a heart attack. After two days the doctor sadly informed our friend that the dog was failing and would probably not last the night — the problem now was not so much the disease as the cross currents unleashed by the drugs being administered. But in any case there was nothing that could be done now.

Our member decided, in his desperation, to contact a practitioner, who took up the work without qualm. Our member slept soundly for the first time in several days and in the morning received a call from the doctor that the dog had improved radically. Indeed he could come home within a couple of days. Once he was home, some of our group went by to see him after a meeting, and he raced down the hall to greet us as we emerged from the elevator.

We decided to look at Old Age next week. This is a subject much discussed today and we want to get some clarity in Science on it.