Shame
January 27, 2005
In the quiet sanctuary of earnest longings, we must deny sin and plead God's allness.
"The two adultery stories came up in e mails I exchanged with an internet friend of the group. We were hard-pressed to figure out whether shame or guilt was at issue."
"What's the difference?"
"As best as I can determine, shame comes up where conformity rules. Its tools are derision, contempt and ridicule. Guilt arises more as a consequence of specific infractions of law or because of betrayal."
"I see mostly shame in the two incidents. The women have broken with social convention and are held in contempt."
"But they've also broken the Mosaic law. Doesn't guilt come in when God's involved? They've broken one of the Ten Commandments. So there's got to be some level of guilt too."
"Look how Jesus frees the women from guilt and shame while confronting those who've condemned them with their self-righteousness"
"Our Internet friend said this, 'Awareness of forgiveness is the same as Mrs. Eddy's great line "the accuser is not there". There's no divine accuser, no divine judge. The divine is nothing but Love.'"
"Wow! That guy — is it a guy?"
"Yes."
"He's really got a good thought."
"He contacted us about last week's topic Ethnicity and said, 'How majorities treat minorities — how those in power use the power — describes the morality of the majority, and reveals the majority's weaknesses.'"
"That's profound."
"I felt comfortable enough with him to admit to some latent racism. For instance, I've never seriously questioned my idealized view of the Confederacy and slavery."
"I've never heard you extol them."
"No, I've had the sense to keep my mouth shut, but I'd like to get a better feel for what went on there."
"Hey there are plenty of resources today to speed your journey. One thing occurred to me after last week's meeting. If I wanted to feel how a Black person might feel, just imagine for a moment how it would be if everyone immediately knew I was Gay — no passing, no hiding. Could I deal with that?"
"At least it would bring my homoshame to the surface to be healed."
"Or not!"
"Can you describe your homoshame?"
"I'll try. It's definitely shame, not guilt. I never spent any time worrying about breaking some divine law or not giving my parents grandchildren and so on. It was always about ostracism, people talking, getting beaten up, no job, no social life — all that. Why? Because I wouldn't be conforming to the crazed, amorphous social agenda I grew up under."
"I'm like that too. I never once thought of Yaweh in relation to sex. I've heard my orthodox Christian and Jewish friends talk about that but I didn't relate to it personally. I was able to laugh off all the pronouncements from Boston harping on quotes from Leviticus and Paul. They were like church lady routines."
"Remember the fun we had with that baby nurse sent from Boston to lecture New York on oral sex?"
"Right. It was okay if immediately followed by missionary position. I'm still following her advice. But conversions have been few."
"Shame can hide in different forms. In a conformist society we may take on a false self to please parents and other people. At base, however, are feelings that our real self is unworthy and unlovable. So we comply, we caretake. We become caricatures of real human beings and never live our true humanity, nor our true divinity."
"Isn't that about narcissistic wounds in childhood?"
"Probably. All kids need adults in their lives who encourage them to find and be what they truly are. Not prison wardens enforcing their own vision of what the kids should be."
"You know, Alice Miller, the Swiss psychologist pointed out that many rock stars and other entertainment figures are living desperately false personalities. Thus all the sex, drugs, early deaths and so on."
"It takes heaps of money and adulation to prop the false personalities up. If the props fail and the true person is exposed, feelings of worthlessness and shame can be overwhelming."
"Poor rock stars. But all my strivings to be a cool dude have gone down the drain. A lot of nice things didn't happen to me and that's a shame!"
"Yes it is. But is there a deeper meaning — a deeper calling?"
"Like what?"
"What is my true self asking of me — my God-self, not some demoralized psychological wreck?"
"You've put your finger on the problem with psychology. It helps in getting the ball rolling, but the real problem is the Adam dream or original sin. Most Christian Scientists would say original sin doesn't exist. It doesn't really, but in the dream it's 'solid conviction', to use Mrs. Eddy's term. As long a I'm playing out my humanity, there'll be shame. And there should be! I mean we're dealing with a dualistic Yaweh running us around by the nose."
"How would you break the dream?"
"Well, the Christ will do it. Living as God with us. And I'm finding it's necessary to stop shaming others. I've done it lots. After tonight, I can see it's a much broader issue than I thought. Where am I ridiculing people, holding them in contempt? Also how much of my real self do I dare reveal? How much of another's am I able to endure? Humanly this project would fizzle fast — but with God, it can move forward."
"I was thinking about the US as having too much shame and too little guilt. We kill 100,000 Iraqis and barely think of it but comment endlessly on Laura Bush's clothing at the Inauguration."
"Did you ever think that Gay pride is a cover up for Gay shame? "
"Oh sure. Any extreme hoked up mood is what Freud called a reaction formation. In other words, I feel shame, so I go to the other extreme and evince pride."
"You make it sound like there's no healing there."
"Who can say? There's probably some healing, but why not aim for just being Gay in whatever way is right for you?"
"Fine, but at this stage I think we still need masses of Gay humanity, and our friends, on the street saying we're here and we're Queer."
"I agree, but still I'd seek my own true self and not just drift with the crowd."
"This week I faced up to how I keep my mind occupied with romantic and sexual fantasies and don't get to feel my real self. So I started trying to go deeper. You know what happened? I found myself able to talk to several men I found attractive. Why? Because I wasn't rushing into sexual, romantic feelings about them. I realized my old pattern, besides being anti-social, also set me up for an outbreak of shame later. What a relief!"
"Let me read an e mail we got from a member who couldn't be here:"
"When I visit my father, who happens to be an ultra-right Catholic aggressive Right to Lifer who has always promoted changing my sexual orientation through changing my beliefs and especially actions. He always says he hates the sin, not the sinner. I on the other hand understand our difference in belief is really about shame. I know in my heart, as I have always known in my heart, for some strange reason, that I was Gay, that I was ok being this way and that I was part of this creation, as I am. Now my father certainly was not able to mirror that belief back to me because of his shame around his own sexuality and his shame about having a son, his only, who was living life having sex with other men. I am now able to understand that the shame I felt came from my father's inability to accept his own sexuality — whatever it is, and putting conditions on his love: I can do this with this person, I can't do that with another. I'm learning now that being in Godcreation has no conditions, we do as we please, yet we have this unique experience that comes with our own set of desires, dreams and destinies that we have to co-create with the rest of creation. So when I am visiting my father now, I have to face all the old identities I've had and come to him in loving confidence, so that I am offering him my true identity for him to either accept or reject, and I will continue my walk here whether or not he accepts me or not, because I am complete within Godcreation. God is before, after, above, below, inside and outside of all else! Shame is a limitation in our ability to name what we desire, dream of, or have a destiny to unite with. I often got more caught up with living my father's drama then being in my own Godcreation, and still put my attention where it doesn't belong. I know that living my life is reaching out into life and exchanging with that which is all around me. Shame only keeps me in a state of separation, which is exactly where profiteers and God-broker's want us to be, so they may materially prosper. Leaving shame makes me leave certain rigid identities I have about myself, kind of like taking off my life support vest and jumping into the ever-loving stream of Godcreation!"
"That's really nifty. I like the way he takes his whole being into the relationship with his father and others."
"Can any Gay person live an authentic life today?"
"Can anyone? It's the divine demand on everyone. That's why so-called 'coming out' is such a big deal. It's a stand in for a much broader and deeper revolution — to be myself without shame."
"We need to be limited by some shame and guilt."
"Really? With Christian Science at the helm we come from our divinity which means we naturally do what's best for each of us and for all. There's no conflict when that's what's happening."
"For me, our readings from the Bible point the way to recover from shame. We bring our guilt and shame filled dualistic egos to the Christ for forgiveness and alignment with God. The readings from John 8:12-18 provide the cure: oneness of God and man or Self and ego."
"We can go into the sacred sanctuary of thought and plead God's allness."
"There's no accuser there."
"Time is short and we need a topic for next week."
"I've been troubled by a line in the Bible about Cain. Here it is: ' And the Lord said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the Lord set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.' (Genesis 4:15) Why would the Lord protect Cain? He's a murderer."
"Don't forget, this is the cockeyed world of Jehovah, not the real God."
"Let's see what Mrs. Eddy says about it in Science and Health. Here's her comment on that passage: '"They that take the sword shall perish with the sword."Let Truth uncover and destroy error in God's own way, and let human justice pattern the divine. Sin will receive its full penalty, both for what it is and for what it does. Justice marks the sinner, and teaches mortals not to remove the waymarks of God. To envy's own hell, justice consigns the lie which, to advance itself, breaks God's commandments.' (Science and Health, pg. 542:18)"
"Ah. That clears it up."
"Now I'm really confused."
"Is there a topic here somewhere?"
"She mentions justice several times. How about Justice as a topic?"
"It's fine with me. We've done it before — remember when the Supreme Court made Gay sex legal in Texas. We can link to those notes: [#topic=20030626#] and [#topic=20030703#]."
"So we're going with Justice, okay?"
"Yes, fine. Don't forget to pray for harmony in the Iraqi elections."
Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
And one of the Pharisees desired him that he would eat with him. And he went into the Pharisee's house, and sat down to meat. And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster box of ointment, And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner. And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on. There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven. And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also? And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. The Pharisees therefore said unto him, Thou bearest record of thyself; thy record is not true. Jesus answered and said unto them, Though I bear record of myself, yet my record is true: for I know whence I came, and whither I go; but ye cannot tell whence I come, and whither I go. Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man. And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me. It is also written in your law, that the testimony of two men is true. I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me.
Genesis iii. 9, 10. And the Lord God [Jehovah] called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard Thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.
Knowledge and pleasure, evolved through material sense, produced the immediate fruits of fear and shame. Ashamed before Truth, error shrank abashed from the divine voice calling out to the corporeal senses. Its summons may be thus paraphrased: "Where art thou, man? Is Mind in matter? Is Mind capable of error as well as of truth, of evil as well as of good, when God is All and He is Mind and there is but one God, hence one Mind?"
Fear was the first manifestation of the error of material sense. Thus error began and will end the dream of matter. In the allegory the body had been naked, and Adam knew it not; but now error demands that mind shall see and feel through matter, the five senses. The first impression material man had of himself was one of nakedness and shame. Had he lost man's rich inheritance and God's behest, dominion over all the earth? No! This had never been bestowed on Adam.
Jesus endured the shame, that he might pour his dear-bought bounty into barren lives. What was his earthly reward? He was forsaken by all save John, the beloved disciple, and a few women who bowed in silent woe beneath the shadow of his cross. The earthly price of spirituality in a material age and the great moral distance between Christianity and sensualism preclude Christian Science from finding favor with the worldly-minded.
A louder song, sweeter than has ever before reached high heaven, now rises clearer and nearer to the great heart of Christ; for the accuser is not there, and Love sends forth her primal and everlasting strain.
Because Mind makes all, there is nothing left to be made by a lower power. Spirit acts through the Science of Mind, never causing man to till the ground, but making him superior to the soil. Knowledge of this lifts man above the sod, above earth and its environments, to conscious spiritual harmony and eternal being.
"WHERE ART THOU?"
In the allegory of Genesis, third chapter and ninth verse, two mortals, walking in the cool of the day midst the stately palms, many-hued blossoms, perfume-laden breezes, and crystal streams of the Orient, pondered the things of man and God.
A sense of evil is supposed to have spoken, been listened to, and afterwards to have formed an evil sense that blinded the eyes of reason, masked with deformity the glories of revelation, and shamed the face of mortals.
What was this sense? Error versus Truth: first, a supposition; second, a false belief; third, suffering; fourth, death.
Is man the supposer, false believer, sufferer?
Not man, but a mortal—the antipode of immortal man. Supposing, false believing, suffering are not faculties of Mind, but are qualities of error.
Man is God's image and likeness; whatever is possible to God, is possible to man ^as God's reflection^. Through the transparency of Science we learn this, and receive it: learn that man can fulfil the Scriptures in every instance; that if he open his mouth it shall be filled—not by reason of the schools, or learning, but by the natural ability, that reflection already has bestowed on him, to give utterance to Truth.
"Who hath believed our report?" Who understands these sayings? He to whom the arm of the Lord is revealed; to whom divine Science unfolds omnipotence, that equips man with divine power while it shames human pride.