"I always thought patience was quietly waiting for something to happen. I didn't focus on the suffering aspect of it."

"Suffering was the main point in the past. Definitions from the 1820's Webster's bring that out."

"It's like the related word, passion. Today it's all sexual attraction and heaving breasts — supposedly a good thing — but let's not forget the passion of the Christ. In other words, Jesus's painful exit from the flesh."

"Did he exit? I guess he did eventually in the ascension, but before that he came back and hung around long enough to show there was no exit through death."

"I didn't see the Mel Gibson version...'

"Such a masochist!"

"Well yes, but after going through a few heaving breast episodes, I must be too."

"Today in Christian Science don't we see patience as working along steadily towards a spiritual goal?"

"That's good. In patient obedience to a patient God I work to find and discharge the mortal beliefs blocking my realization of good."

"That seems like a better approach than jumping at a problem with metaphysical guns blazing."

"If you've got an emergency you might have to do more than that, by just totally being at one with God — right here, right now."

"I've had a few instantaneous healing's where it was essential to be Science and not just pray or think about it. I've tended to celebrate the healings and that was that. Once I told a shrink about a demonstration of protection from street thugs and he asked, 'Well, what in you attracted that?' I dismissed the very notion of dipping into the error again, but now I wonder about the underlying assumptions I and the others were resting on to bring us to such an event."

"Can you be a little more specific?"

"Yes. The healing I'm referring to was a Gay bashing in the offing. It was instantly short-circuited by absolute acceptance of the proposition of perfect God, perfect man. I think I was probably wise not to open up the situation with a non-Christian Scientist, non-Gay therapist. What's that statement by Jesus to avoid casting pearls before a thought unprepared for it? But today, ten years later I still harbor the necessary internalized homophobia and belief in external homophobia to produce such problems again. So what's the answer? Why, simply to work patiently to disassemble all that fear and hatred in the light of Truth."

"That's quite an undertaking...'

"Yes, but think of the results! And how the vision of harmony and wholeness, if attained, could be extended to embrace mankind."

"We need it. We think we have a problem with Falwell and the rapture right, but what about all those poor Gay people in Saudi Arabia and Iran?"

"Now we're talking undertaking! To heal that would take a passion of the Christ."

"Okay. What's lost, and what's gained, if we lay down our mortal, dual belief in Life and Love for our friends? Our beloved Saudis, Iranians and all the others. There's just one Mind, one I or Us constituting all. As the readings said, 'Who lives in good, lives also in God, — lives in all Life, through all space.' (Pulpit and Press, by Mary Baker Eddy, pg. 4:20) As divine idea, we're everywhere with the sword of Science."

"I was talking to a practitioner today about a sense I'm having of not being completely well. She said I should hang in there and be confident because in reality I'm already perfect. It's not that easy to see, but I've gotten it clear a couple of times today. I guess I just have to keep on keeping on, till the reality of being is firmly in place in my thought. I'm that tireless worm in the readings."

"I've been looking for a place to shoehorn in a quote from Margaret Laird. I think it relates to what you're going through. It's from her pamphlet, The Fourth Dimension of Spirit, page 56: 'The facts which constitute true being are present yesterday, today and forever, and these facts are demonstrated to human apprehension when the dualism of seeming and being fades away.' In other words, the Christ — or God with us — actually becomes all there is to us."

"As I talked further with the practitioner I had to allow that I'd done everything I could with the medical people, so what alternative did I now have but to buckle down with the facts of Science. We laughed, and the work went on."

"I'd like to talk about my new job."

"You started Monday — do you like it?"

"Yes, very much. The hours are good for me and my co-workers are friendly and supportive. I'm enjoying the clients. But I woke up Tuesday in the middle of the night with a panic attack over my finances. There'll be a delay between pay checks and my mind started racing about rent payments, grocery bills and so on. I felt out of control but finally I caught myself and started repeating the Lord's Prayer and the Scientific Statement of Being. It took a couple of hours but finally I calmed down enough to go back to sleep."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Oh sure. The next day I went through the whole episode with my Christian Science teacher and she pointed out that all my moves and jobs have been guided and underpinned by divine Love. My fear has now disappeared completely. I also got in touch with my former employer and it turned out they could use me a couple of Saturdays. That closed any income gap."

"As I was thinking about our topic I remembered an incident with my Christian Science teacher on the subject of dental appointments. Over the years I'd contacted him for specific work for the time I'd be at the dentist's office. You know — I'll arrive at 2:00, drilling commences at 2:20 — that kind of thing. After years of this he finally called me up short and said we should start the work a few days before, so I'd get a real sense of what's involved spiritually. That revolutionized my practice of Christian Science. It was no longer just about spectacular results but also spiritual understanding."

"A member who couldn't be here sent us a link to a web site that includes the testimony of a famous Lesbian screenwriter Mercedes de Acosta and her interaction with an Indian guru and saint, Ramana Maharshi. He had the idea that the real heart or divine Self is located in the right side of the chest. Meanwhile the heart located in the left chest is the repository of personal, dualistic imagery. It's like what we'd call divine Mind and mortal mind."

"How do the two hearts interact?"

"I'm not sure. From what I read on the site, the guru seems to recommend living in the divine heart and ignoring the other one. Probably not a bad practice for some, but I'd imagine it could be a license for all kinds of shenanigans for the immature thought."

"Here's a half-way position. Clean out mortal mind with flood-tides of Love. The quote from Mrs. Eddy reads: 'The way to extract error from mortal mind is to pour in truth through flood-tides of Love.' (Science and Health, pg. 201:17)"

"I noticed something odd this week. I've been eyeing this guy for several years. He never once looked at me. And frankly I'm not sure how I'd have handled it if he had! But anyway this week I entered a restaurant and there he was, looking right at me. I looked straight back — my eyes hidden behind sunglasses. Later I noticed him looking me over when I returned from the bathroom. This time I wore no sunglasses and managed a mixed message glance in return. After I left the restaurant I felt an obsession setting in, juicing it up with plenty of self hatred for lack of courage in meeting his gaze straightforwardly."

"Do you see a way of getting unstuck in this area?"

"Well, probably because of our topic and the pain implied in passion I took note of the actual discomfort I was feeling in this attraction. Yes there a kind of thrill, but the undertone is pain."

"Why do you suppose you felt pain? Here was someone you find attractive perhaps giving you a signal of interest."

"There are many childhood issues still unhealed that make intimacy impossible and keep me living in the fantasy that I'm sufficient unto myself. In the rare case where someone breaks through this barrier, I lose myself completely. Twenty four hours a day I'm thinking about the other."

"You've got a really good bead on your problem".

"Yeah. That I do. I feel like I can't handle a serious relationship until I recover — until I have enough centering and self-worth to hold my own in the presence of another. A friend pointed out I have many people in my life and I could expand these friendships and experiment with states and stages of intimacy right there."

"Here's a thought. Just put your hand firmly in God's hand — that doesn't sound too scientific, but you can translate it into Science if you like. Now with your hand there ask Him to lead you and guide you into the thoughts, prayers, opportunities needed to break this mesmeric spell. Remember, you are the reflection of the One who says, 'I am all.'"

"Let's start thinking of a topic for next week."

"I've heard lack coming up a lot in the discussion. How about abundance?"

"We've done it, but we can always do it again."

"Well, then supply."

"Or money!"

"Or lucre."

"How about this? The first line of the 23rd Psalm. The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want."

"Let's do 'I shall not want' — it's more ambiguous."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I don't know — I think it gets mortal mind stirred up better."

"You mean like I'm self-sufficient, thank you very much?"

"Right. Like that plus the more spiritual meaning. Which one am I living?"

"Oh I get it. Let's do it."

"Okay?"

"Okay."