"Those last quotes from Science and Health — aren't they what you were studying to get ready for your visit to the doctor Monday?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"I'd forgotten how Mrs. Eddy can get right to the heart of mesmerism and show how we collude with doctors to do ourselves in."

"Even if we don't go to a doctor but have a lot of medical knowledge we can get into trouble. When I got the flu two weeks ago I figured I could handle it myself with prayer and plenty of liquids, as they say. But I guess my nurse's training kept me locked in the belief. I'd be strong in the morning and go to work, but then I'd collapse in the evening and toss and turn through the night. I did slowly get better, but when I noticed symptoms of bronchitis I said ' That's it!' and called my teacher for help. With one treatment I was able to sleep and woke up the next day completely well."

"That's great. I have to force myself to call a practitioner when I have a problem but their work is usually fast and complete. It helps me to have some Gay or at least Gay-friendly people to call on."

"How did it go with the doctor Monday?"

"Last week I told you about canceling the tests that were going to cost me anywhere from $ 600 to $ 800. The doctor agreed with my decision so quickly I thought maybe he was just padding the bill with unnecessary procedures."

"Well, you know they often practice what's called defensive medicine, ordering tests for all sorts of things just to be able to prove later they looked at every angle in case they're sued."

"I prayed my way through the visit, trying to see the perfection of everyone involved. While I waited for the doctor, I got involved in a discussion with his assistant about the movie ' What the Bleep Do We Know?' She loves it and I was able to relate some of its major themes to points in Christian Science. She reacted to me bringing up religion but we were able to bridge that as I let go of any religious chauvinism and got into universal laws of harmony."

"And what happened with the doctor? Was he on the up-and-up, or just scrounging?"

"I think his concerns were legitimate, from his medical standpoint. But it was up to me to get us out of a rat hole we were rapidly descending into. He said my white cell count was alarmingly elevated. We both swooned but somehow I had the sense to ask what date that blood sample was taken. It turned out to be from the period I was in the hospital fighting for my life with pneumonia. He beat a cool retreat and I allowed it without comment. I can see this relationship will require constant vigilance."

"Did you get any clarification on the payment schedule from the insurance company? "

"Well, again, vigilance was required. I had to climb the chain of command to get real answers. I found I could change plans at any time to suit the problem facing me. It took a lot of time and energy to pierce the veils of mystery that shroud insurance services from customers."

"I was interested in Mrs. Eddy's statement that we hear a doctor's verdict as a criminal hears his death sentence (Science and Health, pg. 198). I remember long before I got into Christian Science I went to a doctor for a general check up. She poked around and told me I had a growth the size of a grapefruit in my abdomen. I was so overcome with fear I fainted and had to be revived with some kind of chemical compound. Further tests showed there was nothing of the sort there!"

"An interesting healing was reported on the Sentinel radio program Sunday. A Christian Scientist who'd had a heart attack was taken unconscious to a hospital and hooked up to monitoring machines. When he came to he requested that no medicine be administered and asked his wife to call a practitioner. He was doing fine but when a doctor came in and asked him about the symptoms leading up to the occurrence, he launched into the details and the machines suddenly went wild, indicating his probable death. People came running from all parts of the hospital to save him. He immediately stopped rehearsing the error and came back quickly. Later that day he checked out of the hospital and is fine today, 15 years later."

"Why do we hear people go on about no healing in Christian Science today?"

"I don't know. But when I heard that testimony I thought of all the physical and mental aspects of my life I'm allowing to be limited by false influences, basically from the past."

"Do you want to give us a few?"

"Sure. Here's one. I often feel embarrassed and shy in public. Maybe it's because of childhood and teenage trauma or non integration of my shadow, something like that. And it's all valid on the human belief level. But do I have to accept those crippling beliefs in light of my divinity and the divinity of everyone else?"

"How about this: there's a belief running through the Gay community that we're in for a really rough time. The new Pope is insanely homophobic, Microsoft has cut us off from political support and Larry Kramer says the Republican government will systematically strip us of all rights. We'll be lucky to escape with our hides."

"You're getting that from Kramer's new book?"

"Reviews of it anyway. It's called, The Tragedy of Today's Gays."

"But do we have to buy into all that? If anything, it's a wake up call. I'll have to admit I was drifting along on a belief in good."

"Yeah, like our rights will come to us over time because of the basic good sense of everyone".

"I guess that's more or less my hammock lazing dream. What we really need is much more muscularity, grounding the Gay experience in its underlying divinity."

"You're right. We can't depend on politicians, Gay leaders, nice people and stuff like that. They turn out to be flimsy crutches that break under real weight. We need to lean on the sustaining infinite."

"What do you all think of the Republican noise machine?"

"What is it?"

"It's what liberals are calling the right wing system of inventing things, putting them in market tested sound bites and getting their political and media minions to use them until they're actually accepted as fact. An example is quote out of control judiciary unquote."

"Or saying the term 'nuclear option' is a Democratic — pardon me, Democrat — party invention. Trent Lott came up with it but it tested badly so the Republicans quickly started linking it to Democrats."

"Goebbels would be proud of his heirs. But isn't it a perfect example of Jesus's description of error as 'a liar and the father of it'? (John 8:44)"

"When you listen to right wing folks and now increasingly mainstream commentators watch out for pejorative catch phrases about liberals or anybody the right doesn't like. Right now liberals are obstructionists when it comes to judges, social security and energy."

"There's a belief among some Christian sects in what's called Dominionism. It's basically a political religion seeking power to create a Christian nation."

"I never heard of that group — but I assume they won't have Gay people in their Garden of Eden. And I bet they won't have a lot of people there. Do all the homo-hating Blacks, Jews, Catholics and nominal Christians think they'll survive when the Dominionists take charge?"

"You know in all this ferment and turmoil I can see a new religion — purer and more metaphysical — struggling for birth. What's needed, I think, is the most dedicated practice, not profession, to facilitate the birth."

"The First Reader at church yesterday gave a testimony saying when a problem comes to us, whether it seems to be in our body or our thought or with a relationship, it can be viewed as strictly impersonal evil. It's not our fault. It's there to be healed, and the more impersonal we make the error the more quickly it'll yield. In the process we'll do a great service to mankind."

"Time is running out. Do we have anything else?"

"I just wanted to report — well, how should I put it? — I broke the mesmerism of inertia this week around housing and employment. It looks like I'll take the bartending course and also that I'll soon have a new apartment. And I may not be able to get here for a few sessions because of the schooling and my flag dancing training for the Gay Pride March."

"Oh, I had such a beautiful dream this week. I was walking along, when coming in the opposite direction towards me was another me. I was just beautiful and immediately I fell in love with myself. As we got closer, I reached out to touch my other self, and he vanished. I woke up."

"How did you feel when you woke up?"

"I was happy — even elated."

"I guess you became the unified one — an integrated bundle of love."

"It's time to end now. Do we have any requests for next week's topic?"

"Maybe there's something in that dream."

"We've had Dreams as a topic. How about hidden treasure?"

"Or hidden assets?"

"That sounds so CPA."

"It can be anything — dreams, ideas, people coming into our lives. Anything that wasn't apparent before."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Fine."